The Bachelorette: Houston, We Have a New Villain

Jojo and her men continued on their journey of love this week starting in Pennsylvania and venturing all the way to Uruguay (note to James Taylor: Uruguay is a country in South America). The return of the Chad was less than anti-climactic, but we must commend the producers for leaving on the edge of our seats wondering what crazy antics Chad would come up with next. 

The last rose ceremony at Nemacolin Woodlands Resort (they had a great commercial btw and receive rave reviews on Trip Advisor) lacked some drama, but at least James F. read his poem to Jojo before he went home. Maybe he should stick to owning boxing clubs. Anyway, as the adventures in Uruguay unraveled, Jordan was blessed with the first date. Jordan and Jojo went yachting and swam with seals. So much better than Ben's season when they swam with hogs in the Bahamas. Jojo's affection for Jordan is pretty clear, making him seem like the Lauren B. of last season. However, the men love discussing how Jojo is so perceptive, and maybe one day they'll see past Jordan. Is he even here for the right reasons? Who knows.

If anything, we know Jordan is there for the spa days

On the group date, Jojo and the boys went sand surfing and Derek looked uncomfortable because he was jealous of the other guys. Derek then went full vulnerable boy and stole Jojo aside at the dinner party to tell her that he didn't want to "lose their connection" because he gets jealous of the other guys, which really shows how much he cares about her. The guys—mainly Alex—took it upon themselves to target Derek as the next villain. But is he actually the newest Chad? Only time will tell.

"America's hero" turns into a zero

Alex turned into the hero for a hot sec after he prevailed on the awkward two-on-one date. The men praised him because he got rid of Chad, therefore dubbing him "America's next hero." That mentality didn't last long, however, because Alex then took it upon himself to quickly find the next person to target. Is it Jordan? Is it Derek? Well, why not both? 

Alex clearly has a huge Napoleonic complex and needs to find other people to hate in order to save himself. For some reason, Alex took such offense to Derek's momentary vulnerability. Alex saw Derek's emotions as a ruse and an easy method of getting to Jojo by stepping on the other guys. As Alex said when Derek was confronting him, "We done here." We surely are not.

One quick clarification

There's Derek with the rose (who sometimes has an uncanny resemblance to John Krasinski):

And then there's Derrick Rose:

Robby could definitely be a frontrunner

Jojo's last one-on-one date in Uruguay with Robby finally gave him some air time. We know she likes him, and the date helped show why. They got the local treatment in Uruguay and then jumped off a cliff—into the depths of the unknown—and made out a lot. Robby then told Jojo he loved her because he lives a carpe diem life. Robby could definitely be the next Bachelor if Jojo decides to stick with Jordan.

Bye Evan and Damn, Daniel is gone

Perhaps the highlight of the episode was bidding adieu to Evan, the erectile dysfunction specialist with 3 kids. He looked genuinely so intrigued and baffled by the In Touch article drama about Jojo's ex-boyfriend, also aptly named Chad. Evan means well, but there was no way he could compete with the likes of Jordan and Robby. Maybe next time, Evan.

In other sad news, Damn Daniel the Canadian got sent home. He questioned Jojo's intentions and even went so far as to claim that if The Bachelorette were based on looks, he would obviously still be there. In fact, he would be the winner. Keep on winning, Daniel.

Chad, 'The Bachelorette' Villain, is a Leo

Bachelor nation, we know we have a clear favorite for our villain this season. 

Chad, oh Chad. Can we even call you Chad? How are you for real? So many questions, so much understanding left to be done.

After some digging on Chad's background, we've discovered that Chad is a Leo. Upon initial thought that he could be a Scorpio because of his intensity, mystery, and no-BS attitude, his Leo attributes truly make complete sense now. 

Monday's episode of The Bachelorette hardly warrants any special attention except for incidents involving the Chad. Once you take a step back and comprehend that Chad is a Leo, everything about him begins to make way more sense. Here are some examples why Chad embodies all things Leo.

Leo's are all about appearance

Throwback to the time Chad was doing pull-ups outside next to the pool with HIS SUITCASES attached by a chain to his stomach. The men in the bachelor mansion must be bored out of their minds, so what else is there to do except for work on their physique and obsess over Jojo even though they've only met her literally 2 other times? 

Chad is also the known "meathead" of the group—last week he was seen shoving handfuls of deli meat throughout the cocktail party and even the rose ceremony. Bro's gotta swole up.

Leo's think of themselves as royalty 

THAT LOOK u get when u come up with the perfect scheme to redirect all the other guys domain names to your own Instagram LoL #Schemin #DaddyOwnsYou #ThatsBusiness #smarterthanyou #GotchaSuckas #TheChadelor #thebachelorette #thebachelor #bacheloretteabc #bachelorette #bachelorabc #bachelor #meninsuits #fashion #jordanrodgers #joellefletcher #jojo #teamrojo #teamderek #teamalex #teamchase #robbyhayes #chasemcnary #alexyq #derekpeth

A photo posted by Chad Johnson (@realchadjohnson) on Jun 3, 2016 at 9:49am PDT

Well, yeah, because they're a lion and obviously king of he jungle. Chad's pride and self-confidence probably intimidates the other men in the house, which is why they're so fond of attacking his actions. This week, Chad had the ultimate DGAF moment on that awkward group date when he went in for the kiss with Jojo on stage and she turned her face so he could kiss her cheek instead. Look, props to the Chad for going for it in front of all the other men.

Chad's mindset that he's took good for the group dates also really exemplifies his "I'm better  than you because I'm king" mentality. 

Leo's are also bossy and can be totally full of themselves

This personality trait is abundantly clear, but it reached new heights when the rest of the guys in the house decided to invest in a 24/7 security guard because they "felt unsafe." All of the men in the house have referred to Chad as some variation on a ticking time bomb, and the security guards are just one buffer to shield themselves when Chad inevitably explodes.

Chad also evidently bought the website domains for a few contestants on the show and they all link back to...his Instagram.

I wish I knew who made this hahaha #ThatsSoChad #getsomecoldcuts #hungryaf #icheatswithmeats #TheChadelor #chadislovechadislife #thebachelorette #bachelorette #bachelor #thebachelor

A photo posted by Chad Johnson (@realchadjohnson) on Jun 4, 2016 at 8:48am PDT

Chad is good looking and he knows it

Typical Leo move.

But we have to save the best quote for last

 Damn Daniel the Canadian (what does one do when their official occupation is Canadian??) has always had an alliance with Chad from the start, so he decided to play the peacekeeper and tell Chad to cool it. Their conversation went something like this:
Daniel: "Let's just say you're Hitler...or Trump..."
Chad: "I don't want to be Hitler."
Daniel: "Ok, Mussolini. Let's try to be more Mussolini. Or Bush."

Maybe Daniel the Canadian should change his occupation to Historian. 

The Bachelorette: Jojo Brings On The Men

After a few months of hiatus, our favorite television series The Bachelorette finally came back. Jojo made her debut and looked gorgeous as always, unsurprisingly. Last time we saw her (or if you don't follow The Bachelor), she was getting dumped by Ben Higgins in the final rose ceremony. Jojo moved past the breakup and claims she is ready to find love, which means we're ready to see the drama. As Jojo so perfectly said, "bring on the men."

What we know about Jojo

Other than having flawless hair, Jojo is from Dallas and does something in real estate. More importantly, she's a Sagittarius and love love loves adventure and her independence, but that doesn't mean she doesn't crave affection. Jojo definitely seems to be attracted to the confident athletic jock type, which became pretty clear in her selection of men. After all, she didn't give a rose to the guy who was half Chinese, half Scottish ("but Scottish below the waist"). We're definitely in for a good season.

Some favorite highlights

Other than the guy who showed up in the quilt, these are some of our favorite gems:

-Daniel the Canadian: "have you been following the Internet?" Also, his occupation is "Canadian"
-Guy whose occupation is "Hipster"
-Everyone gets so hammered and it's uncomfortable

Controversial Frontrunner: Jordan

Jordan Rodgers, brother of Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, came out on top on the first night. He was first out of the limo (always a good sign), got the first (real) kiss from Jojo—we're ignoring fortune teller game guy for a moment—and received the first impression rose. The rest of the guys were pretty upset about all of that attention, which is why it seems like a bunch of this season will be aimed at trying to throw him under the bus and frame him as a bad guy. There definitely have to be some darker secrets and sides to Jordan, and we can't wait to uncover them.

Drama King: Chad

Chad stamped his label on his forehead pretty early into the night. Sure, he looks like he could be James Bond, but Chad's rude and insensitive commentary was playing over many of the scenes throughout the night. He felt personally insulted by the guy in the kilt as well as Nick aka St. Nick aka guy in the Santa Claus suit. Chad also claims that he is "the manlier, more rugged version of Ben." Alrighty, Chad. Chad was definitely the stereotype of the hot guy in high school who bullied the skinny kid and threw him into a locker. We appreciate the confidence, but how will it unfold? From the previews that always dramatize everything, it appears that Chad will also be a villain this season. Bring. It. On.

Mysterious Dark Horse: Wells

Wells, the radio DJ, seems like a super chill guy. He literally showed up with an a capella group who serenaded Jojo throughout the night. He doesn't have that jock look to him, but that sets him apart in a good way. Wells, you can come by anytime. 

Lone Star Lover: Luke

Luke, the war veteran from the boonies of Texas, will definitely steal Jojo's heart this season. Jojo has a soft spot for fellow Texans, which works very well in his favor. Luke's smolder is so deep, he could probably seduce a rock. 

This season of The Bachelorette will surely be filled with tears, drama, more tears, and lots of lovin'. We're ready to bring on the men with you, Jojo.

Bachelor Ben Has a Happy Ending!

Ben Higgins' season of The Bachelor ended on Monday in a dramatic yet not-that-dramatic episode where he battled with "indecisiveness" the entire time and was struggling to figure out which woman he wanted to propose to.  They were, of course, back at Sandals resort, which has its own helicopters! There's no better place to not know which woman you want to propose to on national TV than at a Sandals resort in Jamaica.

Lauren and Jojo meet the 'rents

The episode started off with Lauren meeting Ben's parents, and Mama and Pops Higgins seemed to enjoy Lauren. Ben's clear infatuation with her probably helped, but Mama Higgins and Lauren had an important conversation where Lauren was asking her what to do when times got rough. Mama Higgins didn't necessarily enjoy the fact that her son could be getting married to someone and they've never experienced any conflicts or hardships before. It seems, however, that Jojo and Ben had tough times, but that'll come soon enough. Lauren impressed the Higgins family, but one of the most noticeable traits about Lauren is that she absolutely fails to show any emotion whatsoever. Someone could tell her that her cat just ran away and she would still speak in the same monotone voice as she does now when she tells Ben she loves him. 

Jojo, on the other hand, completely blew the Higgins parents away. They LOVED her, and it's hard not to. Jojo completely came out of left field this season, but she's proven to be one of the more real contestants on the show. She told Ben that she wanted him to be real with her. Jojo said, "I'm hurt and part of me feels really naive." The best part is that Jojo is in tune with what's happening with Ben and she won't let him go until he gives her a solid response. She even pulled him into the bathroom behind closed doors so he could give her a non-BS answer about how he was feeling. 

Mama and Pops Higgins were extremely impressed by Jojo mostly because it seems that Ben and Jojo dealt with conflicts together and they had tough times. What? Did we miss something? There was the time Ben's family friend died and Jojo was the first one to actually comfort him (whereas Olivia had her #cankles moment). Jojo has always been a confidante for Ben mostly because Jojo is extremely genuine. She's also so beautiful and didn't want to listen to Ben's fake speech after he broke up with her. Stay real, Jojo.

Ben picks Lauren, Jojo is the next bachelorette

To no one's surprise, Ben proposes to Lauren and it's actually really cute. They seem genuinely happy together and hopefully their relationship can last longer than a few months. Ben proposed with a huuuuuuge Neil Lane diamond ring (can't have anything other than Neil Lane!) and it was cute because Ben called Lauren's dad before the proposal to get his blessing. That was a plot twist because the editing for the previews made it seem like Ben was having a breakdown and needed to call his mom. You got us there, Bachelor producers.  Lauren and Ben can now hang out in public together. We can only hope the real world works out for them and they can conquer some of these "tough times" together.

Also, Jojo will be the next Bachelorette! Some headlines came out recently that it would be Caila, but ABC announced that it would be Jojo. Phew! Jojo will be a refreshing bachelorette, and it'll definitely be interesting to see how she plays out with Aaron Rodgers's brother. It would also be a great plot twist if Jojo's ex-bf Chad (the one who sent her flowers) showed up. We can only wait and see!

Ben + Lauren in astrology land

Now the important stuff: once Ben and Lauren move past the honeymoon phase, how compatible are they actually? Ben is a Pisces-Aries cusp (almost his birthday!), and Lauren is an Aquarius. 

The Aries-Aquarius matchup is a pretty powerful one. Both Aries and Aquarians are very independent and always up for a new adventure. This makes sense because Lauren is a flight attendant (although how will that change post-engagement?) and Ben likes doing things, such as swimming with pigs. Aries love focusing on themselves, whereas Aquarians care more about the common good first. Once they both can just communicate what they want and how they want it, their relationship will keep thriving and hopefully last a while.

The Pisces side of Ben also makes this an interesting match because Pisces love making the world a better place, just like Aquarians. Pisces definitely show more emotions than Aquarians—as we've noted above and clearly seen in Lauren's monotone voice and reaction to pretty much everything, Pisces are drawn to Aquarians because of they constant action and individuality. Ben and Lauren can definitely flourish if they appreciate each others's strengths and weaknesses.

Fingers crossed for Ben and Lauren! We can't wait to see what crazies show up on Jojo's season of The Bachelorette, You know we'll be front and center for it.

Bachelor Recap: A Sweet, Suite Fantasy but Jamaican Me Crazy, Ben

This week on The Bachelor was the episode we've all been shamelessly waiting for: Fantasy Suite week!!! Ben and the 3 women left (Caila, Lauren, Jojo) were in Jamaica soaking up the sun and Ben's attention. Final 3 / Fantasy Suite (FS) week is always an intense one for a lot of reasons. Is he gonna go to the FS with all of the women? Are all 3 women going to accept his invite—well, it's really Chris Harrison's—to the FS? How does one even emotionally prepare to go on a date and spend the night with one woman and then immediately leave to go on a date to repeat the same thing just with a different woman? Ben's definitely gotta have a lot of emotional stability.

Jamaica.

Just like Ben's hometown of Warsaw, Indiana is the "orthopedic capital of the world", it needs to be noted that the women are staying at the Sandals Resort. Just take a moment to reminisce on all of the great Sandals commercials we always saw as kids. It would be interesting to see how much money Sandals threw at ABC for that promotion. The best Sandals highlight: the aptly named "Romeo & Juliet" fantasy suite, except I would hope that Ben's ending with whoever he picks is a little happier than the ending of "for never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo".

Ben & his dates

Ben and the 3 women left are all pretty boring. Caila smiles nonstop and it's annoying because even when she talks about things that are serious and make her sad, she still has an infantile look on her face. Lauren is all about being in love with Ben, but she says everything in the most monotone voice ever. Jojo is actually the best of the 3 because she's real and that's what Ben seems to like about her a lot. 

We knew this wasn't going to end well for Caila from the beginning because Ben and Caila's date was pretty awkward from the get-go. They didn't talk a lot and Ben didn't seem that into it, either. He was ready to get straight to the FS and just hook up with Caila. Caila did profess her love and Ben smiled and made out her with her. Caila was all "I can tell from his eyes and his breath that he loves me". Well, sorry Caila.

Lauren and Ben actually had a really cute date saving some sea turtles. The turtles were so adorable and it was awesome that they get to help grow the sea turtle population. Then, Ben got vulnerable and told Lauren that she "is too good for him" and Lauren was like "No, Ben! You're too good for me." They had a back & forth thing and she told him she loved him and then BEN BROKE BACHELOR RULES AND TOLD HER HE LOVED HER TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So we've been waiting all season for that moment. Lauren has clearly been Ben's favorite the entire time, but it definitely felt and looked real when he said he felt the same. It wouldn't be an episode of The Bachelor though without some good drama.

Cue Jojo's date. They go to a waterfall and Jojo tells Ben super early into the date that she loves him. Good for her! Ben TELLS JOJO HE LOVES HER!!! Ugh, Ben. Was it scripted though???? Does he mean it????? Jojo's reaction was the best when he responded: "What????" Definitely a season highlight. Ben and Jojo have a (presumably) great night in the fantasy suite and they're all happy.

Caila shows up the next day to surprise Ben, which never bodes well for any Bachelor or Bachelorette contestant. Ben knew he was gonna dump Caila, but she made it easier for him. She also showed up wearing a tie-dye sports bra crop top and a weird black skirt. Thanks for showing off your abs, Caila. The top was very 90s chic. Caila did a good thing though and called Ben out on essentially whether or not he kept her around just to sleep with her. Ben said no, but Caila cried a lot and went home.

Rose ceremony: Jojo and Lauren both got roses obviously, but then there was the world's most awkward group hug ever and it was extremely cringeworthy. Now we have to wait 2 weeks to see who Ben picks!

What does this all mean for Ben as a Pisces?

Ben is a Pisces-Aries cusp, so his emotions are all over the place. He's an interesting mix of dominant and intimate and emotional and stoic. As mentioned in last week's Bachelor recap, Ben's heart is swimming in two very different directions, just like the Pisces symbol.

Pisces are extremely intimate and also really vulnerable. Ben kept the two women around he could be the most vulnerable with. He's always been open with Lauren and he keeps on saying that he "feels like he's the most himself" around Jojo. Pisces also love finding people he can rely on, and that's been another mantra of Ben's this season. Lauren and Jojo are his two reliable women he can seek for comfort and happiness. All of Ben's lovey-dovey emotional moments are stemmed in his Pisces background. Not many other signs express emotion, communication, and intimacy quite like Pisces.

Aries and Pisces have such different approaches to life, which makes this cusp so fascinating. Ben's emotions get the best of him sometimes, but the Aries in him comes out when he needs to face tough decisions. Like a good ram, he dives head-on into the situation at hand and deals with it, no matter how tough. He's sent a decent amount of people home before a rose ceremony this season: Jubilee, Leah, Caila. He knows it's going to be hard, but Ben is aggressive enough to realize what and who he wants, so he does what needs to be done.

Ben has a tough decision ahead of him, but it wouldn't be a fantastic Bachelor finale without tons of tears and an overly gaudy Neil Lane engagement ring.

Bachelor Ben's Most Pisces Moments

Bachelor Ben Higgins is a lot of things: he's your all-American, Midwestern, high school quarterback, down-to-earth mama's boy who just happens to be searching for love on ABC when he isn't starring in McDonald's all day breakfast commercials. Ben Higgins, more importantly to Align, is also a Pisces. Well, technically he's a Pisces-Aries cusp, but a Pisces nonetheless. Pisces love attention and affection, both giving and receiving. Pisces have a tendency to show a lot of love to a lot of people, which can get emotionally confusing and stressful for those involved. Clearly, we see that happening this season.

This week on The Bachelor, Ben visited the remaining 4 women in their hometowns. There was a lot of drama, a lot of interrogation, and a ton of pressure. Ben was clearly feeling it and all of the women were excited and nervous that they were positive they were falling in love with Ben, yet they never said it. Since Pisces season has just begun, it's only right to celebrate and look back on some of Ben's best Pisces moments.

Ben is Mr. Nice Guy

tbt never forget the glory days

Pisces love intimacy, just like Ben loves putting his hand on people's legs

He's really emotional and loving and says things like, "When I met Lauren for the first time, the world stopped."

He was always suuuuper calm when dealing with Olivia

Pisces are usually emotionally stable and love putting other people's needs before their own, just like how Ben took care of Jubilee

Pisces is the fish, and Ben definitely loves his hot tub dates 

Ben has had a lot of fantastic moments this season and there are so many times when his true Pisces comes through. He handles all of the drama and emotion so well, but just like the symbol, his heart is clearly swimming in two different directions.