How Sagittarius Interprets Valentine's Day
Aliza Faragher
FUN FACTS FOR ALL!
IF SINGLE: DID YOU KNOW VALENTINE'S DAY IS ROOTED IN PAGAN HISTORY?
Why yearn for the kitschy hearts and flowers when you can feel even more satiated by the knowledge you gain from learning the history and background of this holiday anyway? Love is great and all, but so are your numerous friends, who gladly nod along as you recount how two Roman festivals became the Hallmark holiday we know and sort of love. Oh, and did you know that roughly 3% of pet owners give Valentine’s Day gifts to their pets? Isn’t it interesting that in Finland Valentine’s Day is called Ystävänpäivä, which translates to “Friends Day?" Fuck it, let’s just go to Finland right now! Forget the sappiness of Valentine’s Day or the self-pitying of “Singles Awareness Day.” You don’t feel alone when you have so much information around you to absorb and share, and when you’ll probably find your next great love in the airport terminal to Helsinki.
IF COUPLED UP: ZOOLANDER 2.
Sagittarius has been quoting Zoolander since it came out fifteen years ago. Damn, was it really that long ago?? Zoolander himself, Mr. Ben Stiller, is a Sagittarius, so it’s really in solidarity that you spend this holiday with him too. Sagittarians tend to be film historians, and the news that Blue Steel will be back on the big screen trumps the trite “expensive candlelit dinner” that others expect from the holiday. Sure, Sag may have to succumb to the candlelit dinner, so long as Sag and boo can spend the entire first two courses comparing the original and the sequel. Did it live up to the hype? Does it remind Sag of this one time six years ago when he was reading about a modeling agency in New York blah blah blah? Remember David Bowie’s cameo in the first one? Nothing gets Sag turned on more than a fun convo, and Zoolander 2 is the perfect Valentine’s Day foreplay for a long night…. of talking.
