The "No Excuses" Mercury in Retrograde Guide
Aliza Faragher
It’s happened again. Just when we were making good on our resolutions, just when we were all optimistic about things like “possibility” and “fresh start…” Mercury has gone into retrograde. Mercury, why you gotta play us like that??
People freak out when Mercury is in retrograde. And no judgements. We here at Align value the power of the stars and planets. When Mercury is in retrograde, we can expect weird communication, technology and transportation glitches, and unexpected emotional reactions.
Drop your phone in the toilet? Blame it on Mercury. Order a shirt online and it was delivered in the wrong color and size? Literally the most MIR. Unnecessarily arguing with your sweet great aunt about cookie recipes? Mercury is so rude.
But it’s also not cool to let Mercury take over your life, or, even worse, justify your bad behavior. So we’ve made the “No Excuses” Mercury in Retrograde Guide for all the things you absolutely, under no circumstance, can get away with… even for the duration of this planetary facepalm.
"MERCURY IN RETROGRADE" IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR:
1. Ignoring your feelings.
Feelings. You know they’re so real. And for the next few weeks while Mercury is in retrograde, you’re going to have all of them. But the worst thing you can do is pretend they’re going away anytime soon. Crushing hard on that mega babe? Make a move. Mercury is no excuse to avoid cupid’s arrow, even if you’re the one casting it.
2. Getting out of jury duty.
We know you don’t want to do it. Nobody does. But we’re saying this because we think you can come up with a better excuse than Mercury in retrograde. Plus, civic duty is hot. Obama will thank you later.
3. Being a Hermit.
We know, the thought of Mercury’s wrath is enough to turn anybody into a couch potato, but that’s no excuse for excessive hibernation. Plus, Mercury knows where you’re lounging. Might as well go all out with a DGAF 'tude.
4. ... Or goin' up on a Tuesday.
We’re really glad Tuesday has it’s own anthem now. It was overlooked, passively sandwiched between nightmarish Monday and humpday Wednesday. Still, Tuesday is not Friday, and Mercury is no excuse to get too freaky when you have the rest of the week to look forward to. May we suggest tacos, instead?
I mean.
6. Bringing back "YOLO."
There was no darker time than 2012, when every bad decision was stamped with “YOLO.” Everything we did was marked by the dreaded hashtag, and we were forced to sing along to “The Motto” over and over again. And then one day… it was gone. We collectively rose up, buried YOLO, and vowed never to let it return again. So, hear us now: there is NEVER an excuse to resurrect YOLO, so don’t let the communication hiccups of Mercury in retrograde get it twisted. YOLO is #RIP for good.
7. Not returning your calls.
We know it’s not your fault if you totally destroy your phone while Mercury is in retrograde because, duh, Mercury is in retrograde BUT… while your phone *is* still working, that doesn’t mean you can fall of the grid. Pick up the phone, and call your mother back. It’s the right thing to do.
8. Stirring up the pot.
It’s very common for wires to get crossed while Mercury is in retrograde, but this is no excuse to cause unnecessary drama. A few stupid statements could lead to a whole mess of trouble, so pull it together and be nice. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
But just in case you’re wondering, Mercury’s out of retrograde February 11. Join us in our Mercury countdown, and sign up for Align, launching soon in Los Angeles. We know it’s a risk worth taking during this fragile time. A daily constellation of matches awaits you, so get in there, and align with the right stars.