From The Vault: Emperor's New Groove

From The Vault is a series in which we analyze classic TV & Film characters to determine their matching astrological sign.

Disney knows how to pump out animated classics, but it’s a mystery as to why they’ve all but eschewed The Emperor’s New Groove from their proverbial magic kingdom. The film follows Emperor Cuzco, a clueless prince whose lavish lifestyle comes to a halt when he is accidentally transformed into a llama. It’s irreverent. It’s deranged. It’s the hands down funniest, most egregiously slept-on Disney feature out there. 

CUZCO: ARIES

Emperor Cuzco, the film’s protagonist, is without a doubt an Aries. As the baby of the zodiac, Cuzco is prone to temper tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants and is impulsive and hot-headed to the point of risking his life...he walks alone through the jungle at night only to almost get eaten by jaguars solely to prove a point. You see what we mean? It’s not all bad though—these fire signs are energetic and view life with childlike wonder, which is probably how he survived the emotional trauma of being TURNED INTO A LLAMA. 

PACHA: LIBRA 

Ah, Pacha. The moral compass of The Emperor’s New Groove. We meet him as he goes to Cuzco to defend his town from being unfairly demolished in order to build the emperor’s summer home. His kindness, wisdom, plus his penchant for fairness and doing the “right thing” makes him a likely candidate for the air sign Libra. With the scales as this sign’s glyph, you know that equality will always be a top priority for these natives.  

KRONK: VIRGO

Yzma’s henchman and aspiring chef Kronk is a sweet and sensible—albeit mentally slow—beefcake whose drive and work ethic make him likely to be a Virgo. These sensitive earth signs adore working with their hands, which makes sense considering how Kronk spends the majority of the film either cooking or disposing bodies into a river.

YZMA: SCORPIO 

As the film’s villain, Ymza is an outright Scorpio. The only thing these water signs love more than keeping secrets is power and Ymza literally has a secret lair under the palace where she plans Cuzco’s demise. There’s no way to convince us otherwise with evidence this strong!

From The Vault: Sex and The City

From The Vault is a series in which we analyze classic TV & Film characters to determine their matching astrological sign.

It's common knowledge that HBO is king when it comes to putting out the most edgy and envelope pushing media, but no one could have guessed that their 1998 series Sex and the City would become formative television for multiple generations of viewers. A show about four women in their 30s--single women who loved sex and didn't care what anyone thought about it--became one of the most popular programs of all time with iconic characters who carved their place in television history. With six seasons and two feature films, we've ridden every emotional roller coaster with Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha and couldn't be happier about it. 

Carrie Bradshaw: Aquarius

There is not a single doubt in our minds: Carrie Bradshaw is a bonafide Aquarius. Just take a look at the girl--she is literally sauntering around Manhattan in a pink tutu during the show's opening credits. Beyond her at times questionable but mostly fabulous taste in fashion, Carrie is an aloof writer who communicates primarily in puns and hyperboles--it's a miracle anyone can understand what she's talking about half the time. Carrie is a ride-or-die friend and treats her her friends with the utmost respect and kindness which aligns perfectly with Aquarian ideals; these air signs value communication, friendship and equality above all else.

Miranda Hobbes: Capricorn

Miranda Hobbes, the no-nonsense lawyer of Sex and the City's friendship quartet is undoubtedly a Capricorn. Miranda is a woman with a plan: she's career-driven, she's pragmatic and she does not have time for anyone's shit. Miranda's workaholic tendencies are as Capricorn as it gets; these earth signs are practical, determined and ambitious. How else did she manage to have a flourishing career, maintain a social life and have a baby?

Charlotte York: Cancer

Sweet, sweet Charlotte York. This Upper East Side yuppie gets a hard time for being a certified baby about literally everything. But she can't help it! She's probably a Cancer and therefore ruled by the moon! Water signs are known as the sensitive creatures of the zodiac and Charlotte is no exception to this. The moon is the universe's symbol of feminine energy and Charlotte is obsessed with all things surrounding the image of home. The biggest romantic of the group, she wants matrimony and motherhood and she's not afraid to cry until she gets it. 

Samantha Jones: Sagittarius 

Last but not least, there's Samantha Jones. Out of the core four, Samantha is a true freak who couldn't be happier about it. A powerful PR executive by day, sexual deviant by night. Her adventurous spirit, optimism and outspoken honesty make Samantha a true Sagittarius. These fire signs love to wax philosophical and are always down for a good time. As the oldest of her friends, Samantha serves as a well of knowledge for her younger friends--Sagittarians love learning through experiences and sharing their newly found information with hopes of enriching the world. Plus, she's not afraid to give her friends a swift kick in the ass when they take life too seriously. 

Cambio Sends Align Some Cosmic Love ✨

Thanks Cambio for sharing the Align love yesterday! Liz Prugh loved the app's interface and appeal to millennials, and we love her "binary" puns. Read the full piece here, and download Align to get your cosmic love today!

Digital Trends ❤s Align

Digital Trends posted about Align's 1.0 launch and expansion to NYC and the Bay Area, recognizing Align's appeal to people who are looking for deeper online connections without "spending ages filling out questionnaires." Read the whole piece here.

And if you're in LA, the Bay Area, or NYC lookin for some star-studded lovin, download Align here.

ALIGN 1.0 LAUNCH IN TECHCRUNCH

Align launched out of beta today and into the iPhones of NYC, LA, and SF users. TechCrunch's Jordan Crook was the first to break the big news.

"The question has found itself on one too many “Horrible Pick-Up Lines” lists, but in reality most people who start dating, whether they consider themselves wildly astrological or not, end up asking about star signs." 

Read the whole post here.

And download Align 1.0 now!

Each Sign's Guide to Long Term Success with Libra

At Align, we believe that any two signs can make it work so long as they understand each other's personalities. Libra is the sign of partnership, so it's worth investing in some of these compromises for a long term Libra lovefest.

ARIES: HAVE A "WIN IT" MENTALITY

When Aries and Libra set their minds to something, they commit hard. But then... they kind of lose interest. Both signs must have the same outcome here: we're not quitters. With that intention set, you'll be good to go.

TAURUS: FOCUS ON THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE

Taurus and Libra are ruled by Venus, the planet that rules love, beauty, and luxury. These two will appreciate each other's great taste, and should revel in it as much as possible.

GEMINI: GENTLY REMIND LIBRA YOU'RE HERE TO STAY

Libra has a reputation for being indecisive (fair, tbh), and Gemini is not known to be one of astrology's most committal signs. Like not at all. When Libra decides to partner up, they commit hard - it is the sign of partnership, after all - and they'll need to know Gemini is on the same page.

CANCER: CHECK YOUR JEALOUSY AT THE DOOR

Oh, sweet Cancer. Your heart is really in the right place. But social Libra wants to hang out, get out of the house, meet some new people, and you want to snuggle up and #NetflixAndChill. You'd never tell Libra you're mad, you just assume they can tell you want him or her all to yourself. Libra isn't confrontational either, so addressing this jealousy will get messy and emotional and overwhelming for both of you.

LEO: RETURN THE COMPLIMENTS ONCE IN A WHILE

Libra and Leo are natural pairs because Libra is all about "you" and Leo is all about "me." But sweet Libra needs the love to be returned every once in a while, and everyone knows that generous, loving Leo is more than equipped to throw some sweet nothings Libra's way.

VIRGO: GIVE LIBRA SPACE TO SOCIALIZE

Social Libra and introverted Virgo may have a hard time figuring out what makes for the best Friday night plan. Libra can go pretty much anywhere and talk to pretty much anyone, coming away with 10,000 new friends and three job offers, while Virgo is comfortable with their routine. For Virgo and Libra to work, Virgo has to make sure that Libra has their social outlet. Let them Libra out with their besties while Virgo savors their much cherished alone time. You'll both be happier because of it.

LIBRA: COME UP WITH A DECISION-MAKING PRACTICE

Libra 1: What do YOU want to do?

Libra 2: I don't care. I'll do whatever YOU want to do!

Libra 1: No, but I don't care either. What do YOU want to do?

Libra 2: Seriously. I'll do whatever. What do you think?

Continues on a loop for hours and hours and hours....

Ok team, make up your mind. Figure out a way to say "this time I'll decide, next time you decide," and just know that you'll both be happy doing what you think will make the other happy.

SCORPIO: NIP CONFLICT IN THE BUD

Libra avoids conflict at all cost. Scorpio avoids conflict too ... or so we think. They're actually plotting serious revenge in a way that will cut you straight to your core. Libra and Scorpio can be a beautiful partnership, just make sure that before Scorpio heads down Revenge Road, you're addressing issues early on. Before they bubble up and the body count goes up. 

SAGITTARIUS: TRAVEL AND GET LOST TOGETHER

Libra and Sag are two of the most curious, intellectual signs there are. As romantic partners, these two often begin as best buds. Take adventures together, explore, make sure your brains and body both stay stimulated.

CAPRICORN: DEFINE ROLES

Libra is a thinker, and Capricorn is a doer. You both lead in your own way, but you have to set the roles to make this work. Capricorn will need structure and Libra needs balance, but when you figure out the right matrix, you'll be able to make it work.

AQUARIUS: PICK YOUR BATTLES

Aquarius is the zodiac's rebel. You have your beliefs and you stand up for what you believe is truly right. Libra has a similar motivator in life, but reallllly doesn't want to fight about it. You both care a lot about what you think is fair and right in situations, and when it comes to your relationship, remember that you both are doing what you're doing because you truly believe it to be the fair thing to do. Start conversations from there.

PISCES: AVOID THE SILENT TREATMENT

Libra and Pisces are both generous, loving partners who will do anything for each other. You deal with conflict differently. Libra avoids by not talking and internalizing, causing Pisces to feel super hurt and emotional about Libra's non-communication. Pisces, frustrated and hurt but not wanting to hurt Libra's feelings by bringing anything up, will swim away. Silence is your worst enemy! Talking is hard, but not talking is even harder.