From The Vault: Arrested Development

From The Vault is a series in which we analyze classic TV & Film characters to determine their matching astrological sign.

A true testament to the strength of a comedy is how is holds up to multiple re-watches. Do the jokes have a shelf life or does each viewing reveal a new layer that leaves you praising the writers and the actors for their combined genius? Arrested Development is one of the most cerebral of comedies to come out of the 2000s—or maybe ever—and follows the sometimes highs, but mostly lows of the Bluths, a once incredibly wealthy Newport Beach family left broke by the fraudulent ways of the patriarch. It was cruelly canceled after three seasons, but its cult following was so strong that the series landed an additional season on Netflix in 2013, ten years after its first season aired. Hey, delusional families make for compelling television! 

Aries:

Taurus:

Gemini:

Cancer:

Leo:

Virgo:

Libra:

Scorpio:

Sagittarius:

Capricorn:

Aquarius:

Pisces:

Your Sign's Lemonade Moment

Oh Beyonce. Queen Bey. How can we, mere mortals, distill the range of emotions, sounds, visual styles, political and personal statements in Beyonce's most recent visual album, Lemonade?

With the narrative arc of the album, we saw a variety of Beys, ones we had never seen before. The private Virgo Empress (she's officially eclipsed Queen territory) opened up and really embodied every sign in the zodiac.

Find out your sign's Lemonade moment (or moments) below. If you haven't seen Lemonade yet, get on it. It's available on Tidal now.

ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

CANCER

LEO

VIRGO

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

FROM THE VAULT: CRUEL INTENTIONS

From The Vault is a series in which we analyze classic TV & Film characters to determine their matching astrological sign.

You can’t discuss 90s Teen Films without devoting a substantial amount of time to Cruel Intentions. The 1999 cult favorite is a tale of seduction ripe with some of the genre’s classic tropes—there’s backstabbing, hot high school students ruining lives with no parental supervision and liberal amounts of incestuous temptations. You know, typical teen stuff.  

KATHRYN MERTEUIL: SCORPIO 

With the ease at which she manipulates every living human around her, Kathryn is undoubtedly a Scorpio. She’s sexually liberated and will remind you of it at every possible opportunity. Scorpio is the sign of transformation and death (very chill concepts) and natives in this sign adore holding power and influence, and don't care about using secrecy to get there. If you’re still having doubts, just recall that Kathryn hides cocaine in her rosary which is perhaps the most Scorpio piece of imagery in the entire history of cinema.

SEBASTIAN VALMONT: LIBRA

Like his step-sister, Sebastian is no stranger to sex. That along with his natural inclination to flirt his way in and out of most situations, Sebastian is probably a Libra. Venus, the planet of love, luxury and culture rules Libra —which means when they fall for someone, they fall for that person's mind and essentially plummet toward the ground. Simply put, Libras love to love. Why else would Sebastian literally die for his beloved, Annette, a person he has known for truly no more than eight weeks? 

ANNETTE HARGROVE: VIRGO

Oh, Annette. Kind, chaste Annette. The headmaster’s daughter and the object of Kathryn and Sebastian’s bet is without a doubt a Virgo. Beyond the fact that she is a Certified Virgin (she published a think-piece about the virtues of abstinence, for crying out loud) she is also analytical and helpful, both important Virgo characteristics. You can just tell she has that Protestant work ethic! Beyond that, she views Sebastian with a precision that few others have dared to do and her skepticism toward his seductive tendencies prove her to be worthy of the grounded earth sign. 

CECILE CALDWELL: ARIES

Cecile is at times (okay, predominately) naive, but she’s always real and straightforward making her most likely to be an Aries. As the baby of the zodiac, those with a sun in Aries are energetic and optimistic. Cecile may be young and inept at spotting deception, but she is definitely eager to please and make friends.   

Interaction Each Sign is Likely to Have with a Libra

We good, bro?

ARIES: LIBRA TALKS ARIES OUT OF MAKING A TERRIBLE DECISION.

TAURUS: REDECORATE THE APARTMENT TOGETHER AND THEN GO WINE TASTING.

GEMINI: MEET FOR LUNCH, END UP AT A GRAND BALL, MAKE 1000 NEW FRIENDS.

CANCER: LIBRA MAKES CANCER CRY FROM LOGIC, FEELS BAD. (BUT NOT THAT BAD. COME ON, CANCER.)

LEO: TOGETHER TURN A BORING WORK EVENT INTO A DANCE PARTY.

VIRGO: CHEER EACH OTHER UP WITH COMPLIMENTS.

LIBRA: ENCOUNTER AT A CAFE TURNS INTO A 5 HOUR CONVERSATION, ASKED TO LEAVE BY CLOSING STAFF.

SCORPIO: LIBRA GETS LOST IN SCORPIO'S EYES.

SAGITTARIUS: DOMINATE THE CONVERSATION AT A DINNER PARTY.

CAPRICORN: LIBRA STARES INTO SPACE WHILE CAPRICORN TALKS ABOUT WORK.

AQUARIUS: AQUARIUS OFFENDS LIBRA'S BOSS. LIBRA DIES INSIDE.

PISCES: GET REALLY HIGH AND TALK ABOUT DREAMS.

How to Impress a Libra

Not easily impressed, Libra tends to stay comfortably neutral. Here are some Align tips for tipping a Libra's scales in your favor.

1. ASK QUESTIONS.

Once you show a Libra that you're interested in what they're saying, they'll open up like you've known each other forever. Give a mouse a cookie...

2. HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

Libra, ruled by Venus, values your aesthetic choices. Wear simple colors and elegant clothes, in pastels or the classic black and white ensemble. Need some help choosing an outfit? We've got you covered.

3. RECOGNIZE WHAT THEY WANT TO DO, AND PRESENT IT LIKE YOU THOUGHT OF IT.

Here's the thing. Libra really wants something, but they'll always defer to you. "What do you want to do?" "Where should we go for dinner?"  Instead of turning the question back to Libra, which will only make him or her uncomfortable, suggest something you know they are thinking but not saying.

4. HAVE A PASSION.

While they're the best devil's advocates, they still admire people with passion. After all, they have to play devil against someone who can defend their position...

5. CLEAN YOUR ROOM.

Libras notice everything around them. So no presh, but you better make sure your shit's immaculate when they come over.

6. FIND THE NICEST VIEW OF THE SUNSET, PROCEED TO EXPLORE THEIR SOUL.

Libra's symbol is the sun setting over water, representing the harmony between day and night. They feel at peace in this place of balance, and you'll feel at peace too with a glass of wine in hand and the best company you could ask for.