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We've been waiting with with bated breath for what felt like an endless, humor-less existence, and finally an era of bliss and hilarity is upon us: Broad City has returned to Comedy Central for its third season. Abbi and Ilana’s on and off screen friendship is inspiring to watch and their NYC based debaucheries are hysterical, poignant and universal. Grab your weed, grab your bowl and buckle up.
This week on The Bachelor, Ben decided to fly the women back to his hometown of Warsaw, Indiana (more on that glorious place in a few). This is the week before hometowns, so Ben and his gals were really feeling the stress this week. As usual, there were some surprising and not-so-surprising moments. One can only imagine how Olivia would've handled being in Indiana, but we just have to use our imaginations for that one.
It's just really crucial to note that Warsaw, Indiana is known as "The Orthopedic Capital of the World". So thank you, Warsaw, for all that you have done for orthopedics.
After some glorious footage of the girls running and throwing leaves and fall foliage in each other's hair and faces, they arrive at their beautiful house on the lake where they'll be staying that week. Ben shows up and asks Lauren B. in front of everyone if she wants to go on a date. Obviously she says yes, so after she has 30 minutes to get ready, Ben and Lauren leave in Ben's red pickup truck. Do we think Ben actually drives this red pickup truck? His parents definitely seem like BMW or high-end Chevy driving folk, but Ben's car is his own prerogative.
Ben shows Lauren all the important sites of Warsaw: his high school (he was quarterback on the football team!), his church, his city. They end up at a youth club where Ben was worked in the past and they play with some kids. The real MVP of this part of the episode, however, is Ronnie "half court king" from Warsaw. He made a half court shot (hence the name), which meant that Ben had to kiss Lauren! As one girl said, "Lauren and Ben did smoochy smoochy!" Then, Paul George and George Hill show up and teach them exercises. Sorry, but if I was on that date, I would've been more excited about Paul George than playing basketball with some 9 year-olds. Ben came to the rescue when a kid cried, which was very Pisces of him. He looked out for that little kid Aaron and brought him back into the circle. Lauren and Ben seem like they'll be happily ever after and she's pretty clearly the frontrunner at the moment.
"Where are we going? It's pretty windy here." JoJo takes a car to Chicago where she meets up with Ben at Wrigley Field. According to Google Maps, it's a 2 1/2 hour drive (in clear traffic) from Warsaw to Chicago. JoJo and Ben wear "Mrs. Higgins" and "Mr. Higgins" jerseys and they chill out in the middle of the field and joke around.
At dinner, Ben wants to figure out JoJo. As we've said before, it's pretty clear that Ben sees JoJo as someone he can trust and be real with. He even says he feels like he's the most himself when he's around her. That's always a good sign, but JoJo holds back a little bit, which freaks out Ben. JoJo tells him to trust her and that her feelings will come through more, he just needs to be patient. Well, he clearly does and she'll probably make it far as well.
JoJo is definitely the most real out of all the women left. She seems very no-BS and would call someone out if they needed it. She's probably a Capricorn. Hopefully Ben will keep trusting her enough to keep her around. If not, she's a clear choice for the next bachelorette.
Now that Olivia is gone, there aren't many interesting women left. The group date had some of the more personality-less women: Amanda, Caila, and Becca. Becca has not had a ton of air time recently, so this was really her time to shine and prove to Ben she's in it to win it. Long story short, Becca tells Ben "don't blindside me" and then Ben gives the rose to Amanda.
Oh my goodness the one-on-one with Ben and Amanda. Ben takes Amanda to the super romantic McDonalds in town where they both order Egg McMuffins. Ben asks the lovely woman working the cash register if they can go behind the counter, and she obviously says yes. Amanda and Ben then work the DRIVE THRU LINE!!!!!!!!!!! What a date!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing screams romance like minimum wage paying jobs and Egg McMuffins. Of course, though, there's a carnival right outside for Ben and the whole town shows up and they go on roller coaster rides. Ben seems pretty into Amanda, but their hometown date will be the real test of if he can handle her kids or not.
This week was Emily's week to really shine. She still hadn't had a one-on-one, so Ben was pretty much obliged to give her one. He decides to take her to his giant home to meet his parents who seem pretty chill. Emily, however, has no chill and didn't stop talking. Some of her greatest lines include: "I really just want to be an NFL cheerleader", "I don't travel a lot. I really love the ducks here", "I've been average in most things in life", "I wish I could sit around and watch movies all day", "I like a lot of things. I like vegetables" and the list goes on. Ben's parents were clearly like WTF and then Ben dumped Emily in front of all the other women, which was pretty shitty on his part. Ben and Emily really didn't have any chemistry though. She was not a favorite from the start and Ben had to keep her around because he couldn't ditch her the week after he dumped Haley. We can only hope Emily accomplishes her dream of becoming a cheerleader. Our fingers are crossed for you.
Hometowns are always so dramatic aka the best. These women have been on literally 2 one-on-one dates with him and they can't wait to tell their parents and siblings how fast they're falling for Ben. It'll be full of family drama, which is the best kind, especially when it's not our own. Who will make it past hometowns?? Who will get to live with Ben in the orthopedic capital of the world?!
So...Ben definitely wasn't lying when he said there would be a lot of drama this week on The Bachelor. A lot of blondes (and a brunette) did and said some crazy stuff. Ben is clearly gravitating toward certain women (cough Lauren B.—but we'll get to that in a few), and the women are not holding back their feelings for him either. Everyone seems to be falling for him, even though they've been on LITERALLY ONE DATE with him. But, that's a different post for a different day.
so.much.blonde.
Ben invited Caila on a second one-on-one and most people, especially Leah and Emily, were pissed about that. Ben justified his decision because Ice Cube and Kevin Hart crashed his first date with Caila (really...so heartbreaking that happened to you, Ben) so he and Caila went deep-sea fishing, made out a lot, and then didn't eat dinner. Ben wanted to see the "deeper side" of Caila aka does she ever do anything other than smile and make out with him?
Well, apparently not. Ben got real with Caila and asked if she was in this for the long haul. But, let's take a second to pause and remember that Caila is, what, 24? Does she think about marriage every second of every day? Maybe. Good for Caila though because she told Ben she loved him, but, "I'm afraid I'll break your heart". Ben was confused, and so was everyone else. What's Caila's deal? Does she actually like Ben? Is she ready to commit? How does she feel being one of the only brunettes left? So many questions left for Caila.
This episode featured a lot of Leah, which always means she's either winning or going home. Well, it happens to be the latter. Leah was angry she didn't get a one-on-one and cried so much, but you also couldn't blame her for being so upset. She has barely had any air time and her relationship with Ben clearly wasn't progressing. It was definitely easy to sympathize with Leah for a while, but then the group date happened.
Leah was really stand-offish on the group date which was weird for Ben, but he also probably didn't care because he didn't like her that much to begin with. Later on, she decided to start the ultimate sabotage against Lauren B. What's the sudden hate for Lauren B? Is she the new Olivia? Unclear. Leah is probably an Aries because she's so impatient, stubborn, and kinda immature emotionally. She couldn't handle that her relationship with Ben wasn't going anywhere, so like a true Aries she took control of the situation.
Ultimately, Leah's handling of the Ben/Lauren B/Bachelor situation didn't end well. She did the whole "I'm gonna show up and knock on Ben's door in the middle of the night while he happens to be sitting on the porch drinking wine while all the women in the house are going to bed and gossiping" thing. Ben was verrrrry uncomfortable and then broke up with her and immediately said, "I'll walk you out". Leah was crushed but she pretty much deserved it because of the way she treated Lauren B and handled the entire situation. She's (most likely) an Aries. It makes complete sense that this is how she controlled her emotions and it blew up in her face. Oh well, next time, Leah.
Olivia and Emily awkwardly went on the two-on-one with Ben and Olivia once again told Ben she loved him. Ben was all thumbs up that's nice, but then told her he didn't reciprocate the feelings and sent her home. Um. Olivia. We all loved her and hated her, hated to love her, loved to hate her, whatever. Now that Olivia (and Lace: gone but not forgotten) is gone, what reason is there to watch the show? No one with any personality is left, but we know The Bachelor is full of surprises, so we can guess something good is going to come soon. Going back to Emily though: she's definitely not going to make it much longer. Ben and Emily have 0 chemistry, so it's pretty clear she'll be heading back to Vegas in the near future.
Ben sees JoJo as a confidant and someone to turn to when he's having a rough day. That's definitely strong wife material for Ben. She'll make it far. No one really cares about Lauren H leaving. Also, Ben is really such a fan of the hand-on-leg position when he's making out with his ladies. One more thing: SWIMMING WITH PIGS IN THE BAHAMAS.
So much drama, so much more time. We can't wait to see what's next on The Bachelor!
Your ideal match is a Pisces! Get ready for a good time. Pisces exude all the feels, but love to go out and have fun despite (or because of) the infinite well of emotion overflowing inside of them. Just look into their sweet eyes, and you’ll see the depths of your soul. Pisces is the most sensitive sign of the zodiac, and when they feel hurt, they tend to swim away and change course immediately. Pisces’ generosity and charity is unmatched, sometimes it may be frustrating. You want a partner, not a martyr! But nevertheless, you’ll find Pisces’ incredible imagination and creativity to be inspiring, like the magic you didn’t even know had been missing from your life.
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Your ideal match is an Aquarius! You crave a partner who is capable of cerebral conversation as well as someone who is a true weirdo at heart. Independence and “alone time” are staples for this sign, so expect someone who is a bit detached and very open to you doing your own thing -- this is not the sign who expects you to check in whenever you’re not together and will not appreciate it if you try to insert yourself into every aspect of their lives. This air sign is “for the people” and is guaranteed to treat you as an equal. With an Aquarian, you’ll find a loyal partner with whom to discuss the absurdities of life as you both let your freak flags fly.
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Your ideal match is a Capricorn! While not the most emotive of signs, you can always be sure Capricorn has your back. After all, Capricorn toils day after day to make sure they have everything they need. By extension, Capricorn works extra hard to ensure bae is happy as a clam with a classy meal and a sensible gift. These goats are the zodiac’s hardest workers, and they’re goal-setters, professionally and personally. You may not have Cap writing you a love sonnet, but you’ll have the security of Capricorn always looking out for your interests and well-being. You know that dependability is the sexiest quality in a partner, and you can be sure Capricorn is dependable, even if they may seem distracted with work stuff every now and then. And just remember... the more straight laced on the streets, the freakier in the sheets.
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