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From The Vault: Clueless

Aliza Faragher

From The Vault is a series in which we analyze classic TV & Film characters to determine their matching astrological sign.

Clueless is one of the most defining and vital movies for anyone who grew up during the 90's. Or, for anyone who grew up ever. Cher Horowitz exists as the perfect Beverly Hills princess who you absolutely can't hate because she made "As If!" acceptable to say. Cher is the girl we all want to be, esp because she gets to make out with young Paul Rudd.

Cher: Leo

Cher is 100% bona fide Leo. It seems near impossible for her to be anything else. Cher is a leader: she's in the popular crowd, she can argue her way to better grades, and she's the ultimate trendsetter. Cher's softer side, however, shows her deep insecurity with wanting to be loved. It's all she wants, just like a typical Leo. She pulls out all the stops for Christian, but becomes so heartbroken when she realizes he isn't actually into her (or women). Her epiphany for Josh, however, overtakes her and she realizes how attracted she is to his intelligence and affection.

Leos are known for their style, and Cher defines fashion icon in this film. Is there anyone who doesn't want her computerized closet?! No one can pull off yellow or plaid quite like Cher Horowitz. She knows what styles work best for her and rocks it. Cher most certainly is queen of the Bronson Alcott High School jungle, and if anyone tries to take her down, as if. 

Josh: Libra

Sweet, intellectual Josh. He's a total people pleaser, he's super intelligent, and he's always doing this for the benefit of others. Remember when he went to the party and danced with Tai because she was standing alone? Remember when he picked up Cher from the valley after she got robbed? Remember when he taught Cher how to drive? Josh is a total romantic without ever admitting it. His cool demeanor (aka reading Nietzsche and wearing a leather jacket) shows that he likes doing things on his own, but he loves having other people's company at the same time.

Dion: Scorpio

We need to take a moment to separate Dion from Stacey Dash IRL. Now that that's done, Dion is a Scorpio. She's intense and is never afraid to share what's on her mind. She and Murray have a fascinating relationship, but Dion is super sexual which intimidates Cher. Scorpios tend to have many transformations in their lives, which makes sense in Dion's tumultuous relationship with Murray. Scorpios also like making an impact on the world, hence why she and Cher devise the plan to set up Mr. Hall and Miss Geist.

Tai: Gemini

This is undoubtedly one of the most epic lines in film history.

This is undoubtedly one of the most epic lines in film history.

In this movie, Tai suffers from the typical Gemini 2-personality syndrome. On her first day, she arrives all grungy looking like a lost cause. Thankfully, she gets taken under Cher's wing and transforms into someone who can even use the word "sporadic". Tai always has the rebel within her, even during her popular dolled-up phase. Her relationship with Travis in the end is the cherry on top of her circle of life at Bronson Alcott High.

Murray: Sagittarius

Murray is a Sagittarius because he lives for adventure. It takes a lot of guts to drive on the freeway with Dion (and Cher in the backseat), but he's also always down to travel far distances for a good party. When Murray shaved his head he proved that he lives for freedom and spontaneity.

Christian: Aquarius

Christian is the ultimate chill, attractive, well-dressed guy we all want to be friends with. He constantly knows how to have a good time and clearly has the hook-ups to great parties. Christian separates himself from his emotions most of the time, which makes him such a great friend to Cher. He's fun to be around and dedicated to his loved ones.

Travis: Pisces

Travis is the stoner who we all love in the movie but hated having class with him in high school. He's so lovable, cares so much for Tai, and really just wants to make the world happier with his skateboarding tricks. His last name is literally Birkenstock. His most Pisces moment, however, was in his acceptance speech for having the most tardies. Never forget: "I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA City bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those Egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy." 

Mr. Horowitz: Capricorn

The guy is a workaholic but also loves Cher to the moon and back. He's a bona fide Cap daddy.

Elton: Aries

Elton breathes Aries fire because he's hot, popular, and extremely obvious about his affection for Cher. He flirts with her nonstop and is pretty obsessive about being with her. 

Amber: Aries

Amber and Elton make the perfect Aries couple because they're both very self-centered and sensitive. Elton probably has some water in his chart, whereas Amber is full fire. She gets angry whenever Cher beats her at a debate and her trademark response of "whatever" couldn't be more Aries.

Mr. Hall: Virgo, Miss Geist: Taurus

Thank goodness Cher accidentally took her dad's "sucky Italian roast" and gave it to Mr. Hall to share with Miss Geist. Mr. Hall is a workaholic as well, but a perfectionist and judgmental one at that, which is why he's most likely a Virgo. His relationship with Miss Geist, however, turns him head-over-heels and his vulnerability and love shines through. 

Miss Geist's obsession with the Pismo Beach Disaster relief and other philanthropic efforts brand her as a Taurus. Miss Geist is super sensual, a little unobservant, and always about being around happy people. She makes Mr. Hall a more pleasant person, and we can tell that Miss Geist is all about the simplest pleasures in life.