Monday night, The Bachelorette came to a captivating close as Jojo Fletcher handed out her final rose.
Jojo’s family—made to be reality TV stars themselves (her brother actually was a minor reality TV star)—arrived in Thailand to find a giddy Jojo and two even giddier suitors. Even though this season ended in a not-so-shocking decision, the editing was definitely good enough to make us think for a hot sec that Robby actually had a shot at that final rose.
Meeting the 'rents
Jordan looked insanely uncomfortable most of the time when he was talking to Jojo’s parents. He may be polished and perfectly coiffed, but it was abundantly clear that the guy just wasn’t ready for an engagement. We all saw what (unfortunately) happened to both Luke and Chase when they waited just a tad too long to profess their love to Jojo. Jordan wasn’t ready for Jojo to say sayonara just yet, so he coughed up his best BS and told Jojo’s parents how much he loved her. However, he left out the most imperative question. While meeting the parents, Jordan never asked for Papa Fletcher’s blessing. Big oopsie there.
Robby, on the other hand, wowed the Fletcher fam beyond belief. He kept referring to Jojo as Joelle and even asked both parents for their blessing. Robby is a key manipulator. He knows how to work the situation best, which is exactly how and why the Fletchers were team Robby all the way. His whole “commitment is a lifetime thing” spiel won over their hearts and even Jojo’s notoriously judgmental brothers couldn’t find a flaw in Robby (hello...loafers without socks is one).
After some tears about being indecisive, Jojo goes on dates with both of them and they look at photos of their special memories together. For instance, look, there’s that rock that we stood on in Uruguay. I love you.
Jojo cried a lot after learning that Jordan never asked for her parent’s permission, which then led to an awkward encounter in Jordan’s Marriott hotel room, where she basically told him he had to talk to her parents. And he very well did.
The Final Rose
Both men wrote “emotional” love letters to Jojo, expressing their gratitude and feelings onto small journal paper. Jojo read these proclamations of love with awkward voice-overs by both men for their respective letters, which made the experience even more cringe-worthy.
Finally, after the men have chosen their gigantic Neil Lane diamond engagement rings, they arrive one-by-one at the beach. In typical dramatic, Bachelor fashion, we see the feet first and assume it has to be Jordan because it’s a pair of loafers with socks. And we know Robby wears his loafers sans socks. It’s Robby, though!! Surprise!!!!!!!!
In the most monotone speech of his life wherein he tells Jojo how their love is forever and whatnot, he basically could be reciting the dictionary in alphabetical order. That’s how bored he sounds. Jojo, however, told him that she did love him and she “always wanted it to be him,” but he just didn’t make the cut. After she admits she “can’t let him get down on one knee” Robby pretends to look sad for a hot sec and then sulks to the limo and leaves.
Jordan’s proposal was nice and Jojo interrupted him to tell him that she loved him. Aw. Cute. We saw that coming from night one.
Well, best wishes to the happy couple. Will their Virgo-Sagittarius relationship last? Can Jordan be fiery and interesting enough for Jojo? Only time (and tabloids) will tell.
Blinded by the light
A Bachelorette finale wouldn’t be complete without an episode of After the Final Rose and some more awkward conversations with Chris Harrison, who has seemingly received less and less air time over the seasons.
It’s a miracle no one got blinded by Robby’s extremely apparent fake teeth. We aren’t just talking about a quadruple dosage of Crest White Strips. These were Emily Maynard-status veneers going on.
Robby is a Capricorn--he wants what he wants and won’t stop til he gets it. The veneers and over-polished look is all a part of his plan for whatever Bachelor franchise part is coming his way next.