How Aries Interprets Valentine's Day

5 HOUR ENERGY.

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IF SINGLE: CELEBRATES ANYWAY.

If you’re alone on Valentine’s Day this year, make like Mariah and find your creative outlet. Play to your strengths. You’re great at winning, being the loudest, and having the most fun no matter what, so how about a Valentine’s Day drinking game with your fave single friends? If you haven’t found love yet in 2016 (don’t freak the f out, it’s only February), you might as well find your inner #greeklife. Who says you can’t shotgun a beer in under five seconds? You got this.

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IF COUPLED UP: LOTS AND LOTS OF PLANS... THAT DON'T HAPPEN.

Valentine’s Day is all about you and your boo. You can’t believe you guys haven’t seen the entire Godfather trilogy together, so you’re going to watch that in the daytime.  Going to an amusement park has always sounded like a fun idea, so you’re going to do that in the afternoon. Then you want to go grocery shopping and cook a romantic dinner at home (steak? eggplant parmesan?), and afterwards hit up a friend’s party, and then maybe see this concert somewhere downtown. It’s going to be a great day.

How Pisces Interprets Valentine's Day

Heightened Feels.

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IF SINGLE: REFLECTS ON ALL PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS.

Who were your deepest romantic interests throughout the years? What about from past lives? Were they successful? If not, where did they go wrong? Use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to reflect on your experiences - past, present, and future. Create a vision board, and use your Pisces power to conjure your ideal partnership. Feel free to let your emotions run wild today, and use this romantic holiday as a day of cleansing meditation.

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IF COUPLED UP: NATURE GETAWAY (CHAKRAS, SHROOMS, SOUND BATH).

Remember when you met at Burning Man? You saw each other through that cloud of dust, and knew that your energetic connection would last far beyond the playa. Valentine’s Day may be hokey, but it’s rooted in something you value most: deep spiritual connection. For Valentine’s Day, Pisces and bae head out for an emotionally, spiritually, sexually revitalizing trip into the wilderness. Check in on your chakras, have an out-of-body experience or two, and meet each other on a plane of love that you never knew existed.

How Aquarius Interprets Valentine's Day

Ugh. So Corporate.

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IF SINGLE: Attend Bernie Sanders rally.

True love is drawing attention to the problems plaguing our nation, and using our collective resources to actually make meaningful change. You don’t have time to feed corporate America by purchasing GMO chocolate and Hallmark greeting cards for relationships that will fall apart before summer. Valentine’s Day is your time to show the world what really counts: socio-political issues.

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IF COUPLED UP: Rant about how stupid Valentine's Day is.

You and your boo are just one of millions of couples on the planet. You understand that while your relationship is beautiful, it’s emblematic of your prescribed societal roles. You enjoy the partnership you have, but why on this one particular day should your love be more special than on all other days? This Valentine’s Day, let everyone know how much you both hate Valentine’s Day, and really show Corporate America who’s boss by not participating in the holiday at all. What’s more romantic than sticking it to the man?

The Bachelor: All About Olivia

Olivia, Olivia, Olivia. She never fails to surprise or entertain us, which is exactly why she is (probably) the perfect Leo. This week on The Bachelor, Ben and his ladies took a trip to Las Vegas because that's where everyone finds love, right? I mean, if Britney Spears got married one time in Vegas, it's pretty much carte blanche for everyone else. 

Ben thought it would be a fun idea to have the women on his group date perform some of their talents. Obviously Jubilee rocked it at the cello because of course she plays the cello. Other talents included juggling, Irish step dancing, and other things that weren't really that memorable. Well, except for Olivia of course. 

Olivia's mysterious "talent" ended up being her jumping out of a cake in red, sparkly lingerie and awkwardly can-can dancing across the stage. If there were crickets in the theater, they would have been chirping. The women thought it was hilarious because they saw Olivia falter, but Olivia freaked out, had a panic attack, and then couldn't stop apologizing profusely to Ben. 

Basically, Olivia has to be a Leo. It's pretty clear. First of all, her outfit. Only a true Leo would have the confidence to pull off that sparkly outfit. She also rocked it, which was upsetting for any Olivia-haters out there. 

Olivia also has Leo strength and mentality. She refuses to give up on Ben and openly refers to herself as Mrs. Higgins. She claims she's there for the right reasons, and Olivia ain't afraid to knock anyone down along the way.

Olivia is a Leo because she's the only one there with a personality. Jubilee comes at a close second because she's complex and self-conscious, but Olivia is loud and alllll up in your face with her abrasive personality. All the other women tend to be a bit quieter and more reserved, which could totally be Ben's type, seeing as how he is a Pisces cusp.

Olivia is 1000000% commitment—anything less is wrong. Olivia gives her whole heart and soul in every situation. It gets annoying, yes, but you also have to commend her for her audacity and obsession with committing to Ben. It's abundantly clear that if Ben sends her home, she'll be shattered and fall to pieces, just like any true Leo.

Olivia is supportive, loving, and totally full of herself. She puts a target on her back because she isn't afraid to back down, but a Leo wouldn't do it any other way.

The Kanye-Wiz Khalifa Twitter Feud Proves how Gemini Kanye Really Is

And Wiz is such a Virgo. 

If you missed out on the epic Kanye West-Wiz Khalifa Twitter fight, here's a quick rundown: Kanye is changing his self-proclaimed "best album ever made" name from SWISH to Waves. Khalifa got pissed and started a Twitter feud that was truly one for the ages. All tweets have been deleted, however. But, in typical Virgo fashion, Khalifa's solution and response to the entire thing is "I got joints to roll". #blessed 

Background: Gemini vs. Virgo

Here's the sitch: Geminis and Virgos are both incredibly talented, driven, and successful. Geminis prefer to be in-your-face and all over the place, whereas Virgos are on the quieter side and succeed through their OBSESSION with perfection. It's no surprise that these two stellar artists clashed over Twitter because what Khalifa might be too shy to say in person he can say online. 

Ultimate Gemini moments

The entire string of tweets between Kanye and Khalifa was epic, but this is pretty much the crowning achievement of their feud. 

Kanye is such a Gemini that even in an insult, he turns it into a compliment.

Wiz is too Virgo to handle

Because he's a sweet Virgo, Khalifa is super emotional and pensive. He gets sooooo worked up over this album name change because he's so passionate about his work and wants music to be respected. That's literally the most Virgo thing that can happen. Also, weed. So Virgo.

Wiz is promoting peace and an end to this argument via weed. That could be the next best Virgo peacemaking solution.

Even though the Kanye-Wiz Khalifa tweets got deleted, the feud lives on. This will be an epic album release for Kanye (no surprise there). Kanye also called for peace, and hopefully it will stay that way for a while. What a kindhearted Gemini. 

This is How an Aquarius Would Survive a Snow Storm

In case you don't know, the East Coast and parts of the Southeast are being absolutely pummeled by snow. People are freaking out and buying out all the milk, bread, and alcohol in grocery stores across the region. While this blizzard warning definitely isn't ideal (except for catching up on all of Making a Murderer), we have to be positive and think with an Aquarius mindset. Aquarians are always positive, so this is probably how an Aquarius would be handling this current snowy situation.

First thought: SHIT it's snowing

I should go buy wine and snacks for my roommates

What are we going to watch together on Netflix?

I hope no one loses power

I should make myself a fancy brunch or dinner

Do you wanna build a snowman?

Stay warm, east coasters!