Aries Spring Guide

1. Selfie Stick

Aries have larger than life personalities, and there's nothing that screams "LOOK AT ME" more than a selfie stick! No Aries should celebrate their birthday season without investing in one of these fabulous party accessories. Throw a couple of filters on your selfies, and post all your #AriesSeason favorites to make a truly unforgettable statement!

2. Running / Climbing / Freaking People Out Shoes

Aries are overflowing with ENERGYDKfjd, so it's critical that these fire signs get outdoors to let off some some steam. Make sure everyone knows that you've climbed a boulder, and that you're not afraid to do it again by strapping on some seriously INTENSE footgear. You'll thank us later.

3. Condoms

Aries is symbolized by the ram, but during the spring, it might as well be the rabbit. With all their ENERGYDdkaj, Aries love getting it on, so these birthday boys and girls should always be prepared with a sizable amount of rubbers on hand (we told you you'd thank us later for the freaky shoe recommendation).

4. GoPro

We recommend the GoPro for all adventure seeking Aries. When your buddies don't believe how INTENSE you are, you'll be able to prove them wrong with all the SICK footage your GoPro captured. Or, if the GoPro camera is out of your price range, you can always use duct tape to attach the selfie stick to your helmut to achieve almost identical results!

5. Aries Pin

Because you're Literally Always #1, you deserve an Align x DEERDANA pin. Happy Birthday, Aries baby. We love you.

From The Vault: Clueless

From The Vault is a series in which we analyze classic TV & Film characters to determine their matching astrological sign.

Clueless is one of the most defining and vital movies for anyone who grew up during the 90's. Or, for anyone who grew up ever. Cher Horowitz exists as the perfect Beverly Hills princess who you absolutely can't hate because she made "As If!" acceptable to say. Cher is the girl we all want to be, esp because she gets to make out with young Paul Rudd.

Cher: Leo

Cher is 100% bona fide Leo. It seems near impossible for her to be anything else. Cher is a leader: she's in the popular crowd, she can argue her way to better grades, and she's the ultimate trendsetter. Cher's softer side, however, shows her deep insecurity with wanting to be loved. It's all she wants, just like a typical Leo. She pulls out all the stops for Christian, but becomes so heartbroken when she realizes he isn't actually into her (or women). Her epiphany for Josh, however, overtakes her and she realizes how attracted she is to his intelligence and affection.

Leos are known for their style, and Cher defines fashion icon in this film. Is there anyone who doesn't want her computerized closet?! No one can pull off yellow or plaid quite like Cher Horowitz. She knows what styles work best for her and rocks it. Cher most certainly is queen of the Bronson Alcott High School jungle, and if anyone tries to take her down, as if. 

Josh: Libra

Sweet, intellectual Josh. He's a total people pleaser, he's super intelligent, and he's always doing this for the benefit of others. Remember when he went to the party and danced with Tai because she was standing alone? Remember when he picked up Cher from the valley after she got robbed? Remember when he taught Cher how to drive? Josh is a total romantic without ever admitting it. His cool demeanor (aka reading Nietzsche and wearing a leather jacket) shows that he likes doing things on his own, but he loves having other people's company at the same time.

Dion: Scorpio

We need to take a moment to separate Dion from Stacey Dash IRL. Now that that's done, Dion is a Scorpio. She's intense and is never afraid to share what's on her mind. She and Murray have a fascinating relationship, but Dion is super sexual which intimidates Cher. Scorpios tend to have many transformations in their lives, which makes sense in Dion's tumultuous relationship with Murray. Scorpios also like making an impact on the world, hence why she and Cher devise the plan to set up Mr. Hall and Miss Geist.

Tai: Gemini

This is undoubtedly one of the most epic lines in film history.

In this movie, Tai suffers from the typical Gemini 2-personality syndrome. On her first day, she arrives all grungy looking like a lost cause. Thankfully, she gets taken under Cher's wing and transforms into someone who can even use the word "sporadic". Tai always has the rebel within her, even during her popular dolled-up phase. Her relationship with Travis in the end is the cherry on top of her circle of life at Bronson Alcott High.

Murray: Sagittarius

Murray is a Sagittarius because he lives for adventure. It takes a lot of guts to drive on the freeway with Dion (and Cher in the backseat), but he's also always down to travel far distances for a good party. When Murray shaved his head he proved that he lives for freedom and spontaneity.

Christian: Aquarius

Christian is the ultimate chill, attractive, well-dressed guy we all want to be friends with. He constantly knows how to have a good time and clearly has the hook-ups to great parties. Christian separates himself from his emotions most of the time, which makes him such a great friend to Cher. He's fun to be around and dedicated to his loved ones.

Travis: Pisces

Travis is the stoner who we all love in the movie but hated having class with him in high school. He's so lovable, cares so much for Tai, and really just wants to make the world happier with his skateboarding tricks. His last name is literally Birkenstock. His most Pisces moment, however, was in his acceptance speech for having the most tardies. Never forget: "I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA City bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those Egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy." 

Mr. Horowitz: Capricorn

The guy is a workaholic but also loves Cher to the moon and back. He's a bona fide Cap daddy.

Elton: Aries

Elton breathes Aries fire because he's hot, popular, and extremely obvious about his affection for Cher. He flirts with her nonstop and is pretty obsessive about being with her. 

Amber: Aries

Amber and Elton make the perfect Aries couple because they're both very self-centered and sensitive. Elton probably has some water in his chart, whereas Amber is full fire. She gets angry whenever Cher beats her at a debate and her trademark response of "whatever" couldn't be more Aries.

Mr. Hall: Virgo, Miss Geist: Taurus

Thank goodness Cher accidentally took her dad's "sucky Italian roast" and gave it to Mr. Hall to share with Miss Geist. Mr. Hall is a workaholic as well, but a perfectionist and judgmental one at that, which is why he's most likely a Virgo. His relationship with Miss Geist, however, turns him head-over-heels and his vulnerability and love shines through. 

Miss Geist's obsession with the Pismo Beach Disaster relief and other philanthropic efforts brand her as a Taurus. Miss Geist is super sensual, a little unobservant, and always about being around happy people. She makes Mr. Hall a more pleasant person, and we can tell that Miss Geist is all about the simplest pleasures in life.

Why Aries Mad?

Aries are known for a lot of positive qualities such as leadership, passion, and spontaneity. Since Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, it's common and predictable for these rams to be impatient and have quite the temper. Adding fuel to the (literal) Aries fire, these Rams have a tendency to be stubborn and get frustrated very easily. If you have an Aries in your life and they get angry about something, let them simmer while still giving them the attention they so deeply crave. Aries' rage can come at any moment, so pay attention to these scenarios. Next time, you'll have a better idea exactly why Aries responded to a situation in such a specific manner.

They got overly competitive and lost

^ This is exactly what Aries looks like when they lose.

They got overly impatient

When Aries wants something done, it needs to be NOW. Aries' impatience stems from their being a fire sign, so expect them to jump from idea to idea or activity to activity when something doesn't get done immediately.

Aries got proven wrong

Aries love and need to be right all the time, but if you prove them wrong, they'll resent you and probably become passive aggressive.

A love interest didn't reciprocate feelings

Aries love to be loved and are always upfront about their feelings for a love interest. Aries has a tendency to make it known they are interested in someone, but if those sentiments aren't returned, Aries can go down a deep spiral.

You didn't compliment Aries enough

Rectify that situation by complimenting them even more.

From The Vault: Bob's Burgers

From The Vault is a series in which we analyze classic TV & Film characters to determine their matching astrological sign.

Cartoons aren’t for just for kids anymore, but you already knew that. One of the most groundbreaking animated shows on air right now is Bob’s Burgers. Following a family-owned burger restaurant, Bob’s Burgers doesn’t shy away from the dark reality of being a struggling small-business owner with a family to feed, all while serving (pun intended) some of the most gut-busting hilarious jokes possible. 

Bob Belcher: Taurus

Bob Belcher is the patriarch of the show, the owner and head chef of Bob’s Burgers. He won’t let the typical simplicity associated with burgers stop him from creating works of art on his grill. He cares deeply about flavor combinations and the beauty of food. These qualities are inherent to Venus—the planet of love, beauty and all things luxury—which makes us convinced that Bob is a Taurean chef. 

Linda Belcher: Gemini

Linda Belcher is the doting wife to Bob and a loving mother to Tina, Gene and Louise.  She knows how to handle business and is often seen calling vendors and landlords to ask for extensions on payments. Everyone obliges, of course, because Linda is amicable and can find a way to befriend all types of people. Linda is an interesting woman; she has a definite idea of what is right and wrong and serves to do good, but that doesn’t mean that she’s a wet blanket. She loves to party and have a good time whenever possible, making her shifting personality a likely candidate for Gemini. 

Tina Belcher: Virgo

The eldest of the Belcher children, Tina is the most grounded of her siblings. She has a solid work ethic surrounding her burgeoning Zombie Romance Friend Fiction writing talents and she loves working with her hands (re: touching butts). She’s introspective, reserved and has a solid understanding of human nature making her most likely to be the Virgo of the family. 

Gene Belcher: Sagittarius

Gene Belcher is the middle child and only son of the Belcher clan. A music lover with hopes of one day becoming a composer, Gene is most likely to be a Sagittarius. He’s eager to learn and expand his horizons while staying true to his sweet and loving nature. 

Louise Belcher: Aries

The youngest Belcher, Louise is a literally bat out of hell. She’s definitely the most devious and manipulative of the Belcher family, but she tackles all her problems with the zeal that can only belong to an Aries native. She’s got all the virtues (and faults) of the ram: she’s spontaneous, courageous, vain and impatient. Although she causes trouble at every turn, she’s always loyal to her family. 

Why It Makes Total Sense That Twitter is an Aries

Gone are the days of posting all of our emotional thoughts on MySpace bulletins (thanks, Tom) or LiveJournal entries.

On March 21, Twitter celebrated its 10th birthday. Happy birthday, Twitter! Twitter has shaped and influenced social media by infinite bounds. So, it's important to analyze how and why it makes sense that Twitter is an Aries. We can only assume Jack Dorsey did that on purpose.

Twitter was a total groundbreaking movement, and Aries love to be at the forefront of any and all new business plans and adventures

Twitter lets you say what you wanna say and DGAF about the reaction on the other end 

140 character limit is all you need to get your point across.

Impatient, get-to-the-point Aries doesn't want to spend all day reading your update.

Aries love to make everyone laugh

Like a good Aries, Twitter loves the attention, so keep it up

6 Important Reasons Why We Love Aries

There are a few definite signs that Spring has sprung: daylight savings moves us forward an hour, the groundhog didn't see his shadow, and March Madness has let all brackets run amok. The best part of Spring, however, is ARIES SEASON!

If you have an Aries in your life (which you should), they will surely let it be known that the Zodiac calendar has been through a full cycle, which means Aries is the center of attention for a full month. In honor of the youthful rams, here are some of the main aspects of why we love Aries and all of their volatility.

Aries are born leaders and love being in charge

Aries are extremely passionate and always give 110% 

They thrive on adventure and spontaneity 

Aries let you know what they want and they won't stop til they get it 

When an Aries loves you, you're the center of their world

Aries love surrounding themselves with people who are always eager to try something new

Aries has a lot of wonderful qualities, but these fiery and temperamental rams can easily become stubborn and angry. Aries are loving, dedicated, and driven. Don't let one small bump in the road make an Aries companion forget their wonderful traits.